Sunday, 13 June 2010

The unrequited dream; the song that no one sings; the unobtainable

I'm currently in fits of tears for very little reason. i just looked at a photo of the baby that a girl in my year who i used to be best friends with just had.. and bam. waterworks. i don't even know why.. maybe because i feel sorry for him, maybe because i want one myself. i hate how having children would probably ruin my life, it seems like such a nice idea. sigh. i'm broody as a hen. it sucks.

anyway. i've made an observation recently. there's this feeling i get a lot. it's halfway between extreme melancholy and extreme euphoria. it feels like there's a big weight on my chest; everything's constricted and it's hard to breathe, but that pressure is also somewhat comforting.. it's just a feeling that nothing else matters, only what's happening at present, and that nothing else even exists any more. this feeling can be brought on by really emotive romantic music (romantic as in the period of classical music, not music about love), reading or watching something that touches me, and by.. well. you. the only way i can think to describe this feeling, is as being in love. it's the most amazing and horrible thing, but despite its bad points, i live for it. i wish i could live feeling like that all the time.

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