Friday, 23 July 2010

I give in.

Okay. I couldn't take it any more, I'm gonna blog. The horrible thing is, I don't think I have a single nice thing to say.

I've been having horrible dreams which range from being sexual to downright horrific, with a recurring cast of people I know. When I wake up, if I don't have to get up for anything, I have this horrible reflection period, which sometimes actually leads me to not being able to get out of bed. A classic symptom of depression.

I'm getting close to breaking point. I have quite a bit of dirt on a few people, and right now I feel so depressedly self-centred that I feel like smearing it all over the faces of the people they love, just so I don't have to be the only one that feels like this (and for a good old fashioned bit of personal gain). and i HATE that, I hate that I feel this way, it's sickening. So sickening in fact, that I haven't been able to eat without feeling sick for the last couple of days, all I've wanted to do is sleep.

I just need someone to be there for me, and everyone's busy and has other people that need them and I CAN'T DO THIS. The fact that I have a hell of a lot of Valium, Paracetamol and Codeine sitting in my room is not good for me. Oh yeah, I got put on a ton of drugs for my neck pain. it was fucking lovely. Two days of sitting on my sofa in contented sleepy boredom, barely a thought went through my mind. Staring at a colourful pencil seemed on par with watching television. If I don't get a boyfriend soonish, tranquilizers seem like a beautiful alternative. lol.

Friday, 2 July 2010


Lol, i heard the titular song this morning, and just thought, ah, it's nice to get some rage out sometimes. I don't do it enough.

I've been assigned to a psychotherapist. ha. yay.

This blog seems like an outlet for my feelings, but in fact, i think writing it makes me dwell over things and actually more depressed when I'm sad. so i'm going to STOP being an idiot and writing every day, and i'll only write when i have something cool to say.

so yeah, bye bitches :)