A harrowing day and a hypothetical situation.

HE'S SELLING THE HOUSE.

it came up in conversation briefly, and then passed by, but it hit me like a stone and I was left reeling. Surely she wouldn't want him to? but it's a big big house for one person alone. Beautiful, but it has far too much empty space to drift and wallow in. however, if the eventuality DOES come to pass that it's let go of, it's a property I would consider watching like a hawk if I ever earn enough money. it's so so pretty, the garden is an idyllic paradise. i used to catch butterflies that landed on the.. what's that plant called? ah, it'll come to me. used to call it the butterfly bush. i've never been much good with plant names.

anyway. i've gone off on a tangent.

i'm not sure why it upset me so much, but ever since someone made a passing comment about it the other day, i started thinking about that house. i can imagine myself standing at the cooker, pots bubbling, creating beautiful aromas. of course, being me, there's also splashes and mess everywhere, but one day i'll learn to cook, even if I will probably still be messy. the study and/or the conservatory would be used for art. my studios. i could maybe even convert one of the bedrooms. there are four, more than enough. my art studio(s) would be AMAZING, my own space to attempt to create beauty from nothing. it'd be like playing god. and of course there's the dressing room, which would be like a walk-in wardrobe, the living room to curl up by the fire, the dining room for big family dinners and the en-suite bathroom for bubble baths.
IWANTTOLIVETHERESOMUCH

we drove past a field nearby, and i could picture myself: slightly chubby but not fat, my hair longer and curlier, cheeks flushed from the morning air but spotless skin otherwise (something i can currently only imagine), wearing wellies and trousers and a t shirt, with a dog bounding along in front of me. I could be a country lass. if i raised children, I think the country would be lovely, at least while they were very young. we'd have chickens too, and i'd get up in the morning to gather eggs. sigh. and there's me saying you shouldn't focus on hypothetical situations, what a hypocrite!