Everybody's gonna be happy, which means you and me, my love

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now i've got that out, exams are OVER, baby;
FUCK YES
no more revision
no more panicking
just relaxing
and boredom
and too much thinking

soooo.. I shall do lots of art! lots and lots of pretty pictures. i've started one, it's of an angel. she's sad, and naked (but cleverly retaining most of her dignity with a cunningly placed wing), holding a human heart which is bleeding on her hand. i like this picture, can't wait to finish it. it's been so long since i had time for myself. it's nice.

had a nice time today in town, and a nice time having a post exam celebratory cake.

and... i'm a fucking bitch, i hate me. fuck off, me.

:(

Quelqu'un m'a dit que tu m'amais encore

time and time again, and every time it gets worse. tell me, what is it that we are all to do? because i certainly don't know. so i'm just going to stay right where i am, and take what i get, for better or worse. what happened, happened. what will happen, will happen. i can't change the past, i just have to try and stay positive and not go too crazy. can't guarantee that...

I HATE SOCIAL POLITICS

anyway.

today I went out for lunch and it was nice, though i ate too much. i also bought a new sketchpad, which i was in DIRE need of, i'd started to resort to drawing on lined paper, which is seriously uncool. if i drew something amazing on lined paper i'd never forgive myself, things never come out the same the second time around. so yeah, gonna do some drawing. hopefully i can make something beautiful to pass the time.

and it's raining.
wanna be out in it
i want to runnnnnnnnn
preferably not alone

sigh..

just a few beautiful stolen words

i feel so empty, so i'll just sing you a pretty song, you'll have to imagine the sounds.

so far away
come on i'll take you far away
let's get away
come on let's make a getaway
once you have loved someone this much
you doubt it could fade despite how much you'd like it to
god, how you'd like it, you'd like it to fade
let's fade together
let's fade forever
if we get away
you know we might just stay away
so stay awake
oh why the hell should i stay awake?
when you're far away
oh god
you are so far
i looked at your wall
saw an old passport photograph
i look like i've just jumped the berlin wall
berlin, i love you
starting to fade
let's fade together
let's fade forever

Raaaaaaaage

lol Rage describes how I feel a lot. was also a good day, and we witnessed music history! i'll sum it up:

cockfosters
talking carl
lots of fatty food extortionately priced
lots of pepsi max
lot of sitting/lying around
"bacon: it's just like lettuce, but meatier. but not"
crap bands
pirate band!
Simon cowell getting pwnnnned
RAGE <3
big squishy crowds
police on horses
to cockfosters again
car, including petrol fail
homeeeeee

all in all a good day, my summary probably missed out loads of awesome stuff but ah well. and when i got home i found a pound coin in my bra, yay, profit! lol

thank you for driving us Matt ^^

just to reiterate.. fuck you i won't do what you tell me :D

and now to fail my exams/life, wooooooooooooo, i really shouldn't get into big messes which I seem to do all the time... oh well! as is life

FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!

i've decided that hiding behind sofas is something to be done often, it's fun.

i watched the human centipede, it's not as scary or gross as i thought it'd be.

i'm really tired so i'm going to bed soon.

this is really
fragmented

octavarium is lovely

i can't stop singing ke$ha, oh dear

and... i want to run away. join me, anyone?

erraticism

up

i'm like a yo-yo

down

sometimes it's just nice to cry for the hell of it, gets out the nasty hormones. i'm scared what's going to happen to me on these drugs, i think it might be painful. i'm also scared about exams, and some other things. it'd be nice to have someone there for me right about now.

Sympathomedullary pathway... FU

Revision is not the most fun of past times, neither is rain, nor arguments, nor odd agonising stomach and hip pains, all of which I have had today.

y'know what i hate? words. there are some words which just hearing them uttered can make me feel sick, or make me angry. i can be perfectly fine and read something, then feel like shit.

but they can also be so amazing. it's odd how replacing words in a video with a silly word can be so hilarious, and make me laugh more than i have in months. and also, how someone can say something to you that just makes you feel so happy, something which is just the thing you want to hear. when that happens, it makes you realise that there IS some good in life. even if you don't think what they're saying is necessarily all that sincere, it's just nice to know people care about you enough to say it, y'know? that's happened to me a couple of times recently, where i've just felt a big surge of love for someone who's said something really nice to me. i just really need that at the moment, and i love to bits anyone who makes the effort to cheer me up.

but yeah.. i'mma sandwich that nice little sentiment with something else bad, i'm afraid. i want to move out. or he can move out, either way is good for me. i hate him, i really really do. i was revising earlier, and now i can't because he was a total bastard to me and i just lost it, my mind's not right now. at the moment, men just really seem to not be doing well in my life.. stepdad's a twat, dad is losing his mind (what little there was of it), and relationship wise? lol, don't even go there. i think i've been broken, i can't bring myself to look at anyone new the same way any more. just got to wait around for a while i guess before someone treats me right again. but how much longer?