Mein Hertz brennt.

Ahhhhh fuuuu- ...dge.

I'm a very silly girl. a very silly girl indeed. i'm never happy. never ever. apart from those rare days when everything just seems 10^6s better. rare rare days. i would give anything to have more of them. and i mean that. why won't fate smile on me? forget logic, morals, sense.. c'mon you're all i need, just give me something to look forward to and i'll be happy.

-MOOD CHANGE-

rachel just sent me a link to something called 'Baman and piderman' on youtube. it made me happies. i love her :D

Don't wanna reach for me, do you?

Had my art exam today. went pretty well, was pleased with the painting i churned out in just 5 hours (actually more like 4 and a half), despite feeling ill and not all that happy. and now got no more art lessons until A2 begins, so s'all good, lots more frees. double free tomorrow morning, mmm sleep.

on a more depressing note - oh THERE she goes - i'm not feeling tooooo happy. feeling a bit used, unwanted and unloved tbh. dunno if it's true, just a bit deflated from being ill so i guess i'm not in the best place to make judgements.

watched inglourious basterds (god those spelling mistakes pain me to type) yesterday, suchhh a good film. Tarantino is amazing, with his love of gratuitous violence. at one point i shouted 'DIE NAZIS' at the screen. the mark of a good film methinks.

i'm not okay, i'm not oh-fucking-kay

it's so lame that i had to put my itunes on for a bit to find a title for this blog, then ended up with a reeeaally lame song. which i will admit that i like.

anyway. i have an exam tomorrow. probably my most important exam, on reflection, as art is all i really care about. shit. i did NOT think about it like that before. anyway.

my head hurts
i feel sick
my nose feels like theres cotton wool jammed up it so i cant breathe
my throat feels like sandpaper

EUURGHHH

but i shall not worrryyyy. i shall be happy. must drill that thought into my head.. happy happy happy. maybe i'll get some work done today.

:)

POSITIVE

I'm madly in anger with you.

I'm soooooooooooo not happy.

-sadface-

ugh i wish i could say what i want and do what i want and everything would be amazing.

fu life, fuuuuuuu.

My eyes seek reality, my fingers seek my veins.

I just wrote a really long entry and it deleted itself and I can't be fucked to rewrite it...

The just of it was that I'm failing at life and am angry at my ovaries.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

Who you were was so beautiful.

My mum just came into my room. Here was the conversation:

Mum: are you working?
Me: no
Mum: why not?
Me: i don't want to.
Mum: are you going to get it all done?
Me: I don't know
Mum: are you going to panic on sunday?
Me: probably.

then she just sighed and walked out. i've just made the decision that i don't like capital letters whilst online. seems irrelevant. anyway. i'm a messssss. had a huge argument with my parents in front of one of my best friends today and that made me feel bad. sigh.

work tomorrow. i actually really enjoy it these days, being on sasu 2 with cool people is really quite enjoyable, even if some customers infuriate me almost to the point of tears. if i was at home it would be the same but with parents and homework, so hey.

i want the future now now now now now.

i have plans. i want THAT life. it sounds so amazing. it better happen. i've got my hopes up now.

Sleep.
Deprived.
Unghh.

I should sleep more rather than staying up late for silly reasons. Silly Katface.

Am I hoping for a miracle? It's not enough.

Sorry this is kinda fragmented. pretty much how I feel right now.

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers,
starts so soft and sweet and turns them to
h u n t e r s

Rawr.