Ba daaaa, ba dadadadadaaaa, ba dadaaaa, badadaa da daaaa (to the Zelda theme tune)

I usually have lyrics as my blog titles. Today i have a nerdy theme, simply because i'm sitting here nerding out on my laptop, and actually enjoying an evening alone for once, huzzah. hence the nerdy song which was hard to translate to words. yaaaay!

Here's a picture I just came across which i feel epitomises nerdiness tbh:

Hehe, kinda cute, desu ne? apparently it was a marriage proposal which failed lololol. if someone proposed to me like this, however, i doubt i could refuse. mmmm nerds. and he's obviously a damn good shot, might come in handy in a fight..

I'm currently listening to metal versions of Zelda songs. HELL YESSSS.

Takeway and chocolate and lazing around and zelda music makes kat a happy bunny. for once. yay yay. I wrote a poem last night. I might put it up some time. watch this space.

Ah.

A short while ago, i was sitting on the sofa trying to restrain tears, and also trying to hide this, but obviously failing, because my mother asked what was wrong, and my brother answered for me, with "maybe she's crazy".

the sad thing is,
I think it's true.

my room is in tatters, a perfect metaphor for my current mental state. everything got ripped off a small portion of my wall yesterday, so there's a wall scroll lying crumpled, a curtain hanging by a thread, and a picture I made hanging sideways. oh.. please help me straighten up again, please just let me be happy.

I actually feel guilty for being sad when I have friends that have much worse problems than myself, i feel so terrible. i'm so sorry i'm like this.

I have so much to do tonight. better get cracking. adios.

You must stick up for yourself, son, never mind what anybody else done.

Ahh yeasayer, they're so damn FEEL GOOD. happy lyrics, happy beats, love love love them!

On a stickier note, it's SO FUCKING HOT. I think i'm melting. i'm okay when i just lie still, but I've done at least 3 periods of reasonably strenuous exercise today, and even just walking down the stairs is seeming like torture, arghhhh. sweaty sweaty. but meh, if you're not sweaty, you haven't tried hard enough. least i know i've probably burned some calories! although i dunno if that still stands in heat like this..

I gave my friend a list of things that had made me cry yesterday, and he replied "kat, you're scaring me.. see a therapist?" haha. forgotten a couple probably, but here's the list:
america's got talent
a baby milk advert
putting my toothbrush upside down in the icky toothbrush holder
buying new clothes but looking fat in them when i got them home
my face in general
overthinking
a tiny doll i saw on the motorway roadside
my grandma talking about me getting married and having kids
a spider that a lady flicked and then it looked really ill

it goes on, but i think that's probably enough. maybe i should see a therapist... lol, i'm happy enough today though, had a pretty good day, no tears. just sleepy. hot and sleepy.

After some thinking.

mm numbers, like 196, 283, 201. i'm up to the challenge

ah maths.

we've started to do it in psychology, in quite a major way. i thought it would be horrible, but i'm actually, dare i say it.. ENJOYING it. I love simple maths, it satisfies my urge to solve problems and be right.

i'm going for a walk now, I may try to capture the sunset on camera.

I LOVE LIBERATION, i want to be free as a bird

<3

Talking in the second person.

When I refer to people in my blogs, i've noticed i tend to just use the word 'you'. it's like everyone i know is sitting in front of me, and i'm turning to each of them and ranting in their face. though occasionally i say nice things. I do sometimes.. right? meh, well probably. but yeah, i prefer anonymity, means I don't get conflict coming off me in waves, and I can pretty much say what i want about people, for better or worse. I bet some people read things I write and totally misinterpret them, assume they're about them or someone they know. please don't make false assumptions, it doesn't really matter anyway, does it? things i say are generally of little consequence.

i'm currently reading Le Morte d'Arthur, which I'm enjoying a lot more than I thought I would. i would say, i shouldn't have judged it by its cover, but in actual fact the cover is lovely, a beautiful pre-raphaelite painting entitled, oh so fittingly, wait for it... Le Morte d'Arthur. it's not the cover as such that made me make such an assumption, more the sheer size (it's a brick of 843 pages), and also the fact that it was written in the fifteenth century. however, despite these aspects which could be regarded as flaws, the story is pretty gripping. lots of knights gallavanting around on horses and killing each other and courting fair maidens. lovely stuff.

anyway. i'm hungry and tired, so am going in search of food and relaxation. adios amigos.

Three hundred and sixty five days watching me decay.

I feel kinda like this is the anniversary of a death or something, lol. i'm so tired, physically and emotionally.

oh, there's a hedgehog in my garden.
"hi, you're really cute, bye"
I'm good at talking to animals.
i also just had a flashback of touching a hedgehog and laughing that it 'felt like a brush'. who the hell was that with? a guy sometime late at night, could have been one of a few.

i have SO much to buy from college, loads of things to return to. also going to a barbecue tomorrow. need money, please pay me john lewis!

I don't know if I'm sad or not. i want a hug, either way. i don't care if you crush my ribs again, i just want to feel wanted.

Going to bed. sleep is something i seem to shoo away for no particular reason, it's a nice release. like that time i was sitting with people i really did not want to be with and was trying to make excuses not to leave; why did I do that? I confuse myself sometimes. that was a good night in the end.

oh. i LITERALLY can't wait for so many things. i know i criticised you for saying that, but i know how you feel.

Sociability is hard enough for me, take me away from this big, bad world and agree to marry me.

It's funny how opinions change. you can think the world of somebody, and then suddenly hate their very guts. or the total opposite, you can be caught unawares, moving from indifference to infatuation in a matter of minutes.

It's funny how this is a place that I should feel I can say what I want, my own little place to be me. but I can't. i'm pretty damn sure that a fair few people occasionally tune into my crazed scribblings that I just couldn't expose my heart and soul to. there are some things I keep inside that not even all my close friends know, and oh how I hate that. I'm such an open person, i like to tell people everything I'm feeling, everything i'm thinking. yeah, that makes me sound a bit stupid sometimes, when i vocalise weird little thoughts that most people just wave off and discard as ridiculous. i RELISH ridiculous. i think that's why we get on so well.

It's funny how you can be so stupid. let's leave that point hanging, i feel elaboration would be unfair.

It's funny how I'm going to pieces but i'm also fine. my mind has these constant conflicts which buzz and trip over each other and fill up my thinking space. i'll be in a lesson and suddenly realise that i haven't been listening for the last fifteen minutes and would be struck clueless if called upon for an answer. yet, I have days where I feel on top of the world. bi-polar much?

It's funny how I can cry, screw that, WEEP over a book, but still feel happy. I can cry over someone else's miscarriage, someone else's death, and it doesn't matter, they're not real. it's silly that I cry in the first place really, but I love to get involved in these strange worlds, totally and utterly. It's just lovely to be able to cry, but not think about myself. it feels liberating. I spend so much time obsessing on what could be, what could have been, what never was. it's stupid, I know it is, but I cant help it.

How funny life is. hahahaha.

~ "good joke.
everybody laugh.
snare drum.
curtain." ~