Charlie Brooker is a god. he makes me laugh SO much with his dry, cynical wit, I wish I could either keep him in a cage or marry him.. since i don't think i actually want the physical side of this relationship, i'm thinking the cage is sounding like a good idea.

anyway. it's a saturday, and usually I'd be at work, but i have the day off today. should be a 'yay!' moment but i'm
b o r e d d d d.

I need some entertainment, some pizazz. or pizza. ah it's been way too long since i had domino's. mmmm fat.

i want someone to call me and ask me to do something. I'm too indecisive and lazy to think of a person and activity myself. blehhh. if i don't have some excitement soon, i shall become cynical and misanthropic, like a female charlie brooker. at least then i'd have my wit to amuse me.

Revision blog, oh em gee.

I'm firstly going to write every quote I remember from the Rossetti poems that I like... Here goes.

Maude Clare:
-Maude Clare walked "with lofty step and mien"
-"His bride was like [the/a?] village maid, Maude Clare was like a queen"
-"and what you spurn, I'll wear"
-"I'll love him til he loves me best"
-"here's my half of the golden chain you wore about your neck
that day we waded ankle deep for lillies in the beck"
-"to bless the board, to bless the marriage bed"
-"take my share of a fickle heart"
-"paltry love"

Shut Out:
-"The door was shut, I looked between
its iron bars and saw it lie
my garden, mine, beneath the sky
pied with all flowers bedewed and green"
-"a violet bed is budding near
in which a lark has made her nest
and good they are, but not the best
and dear they are, but not so dear"
-"a shadowless spirit [guards?] the gate
blank and unchanging like the grave"

A Better Resurrection:
-Heaven is referred to as "the sap of Spring"
-"my life is in the falling leaf"
-"dwindled to a husk"
-"my heart is like a stone"
-"O Jesus, quicken me"
-"O Jesus, drink of me"

Twice:
-"I have not smiled much since
then, nor have not questioned much"
-"you took my heart and set it down"
-"it is not ripe"

Winter: My secret:
-"I tell my secret? no, not I"
-"you are too curious; fie!"
-"come bounding and surrounding me
come buffeting, astounding me"
-"I wear my mask for warmth"
-"froze and blows and snows"
-"nor March with its peck of dust
nor April with its rainbow crowned brief showers"
-"you shall not peck?"
-"perhaps my secret I shall tell
or you may guess"

Song:
-"plant no roses at my head,
nor shady cypress tree"

Goblin Market:
-"we must not look at goblin men"
-"come buy, come buy!"

Summer is ended:
-"To think that this was ever a rose
scentless, colourless, this!"
-"bent we cannot re-bend"

Good Friday:
-"and smite a rock"
... xD

A Birthday:
-"halcyon sea"



well that's all I can really think of... enjoy.

This is my December.

This is me pretending this is all I need.

I don't have much to say today. apart from, if i fail exams, i'mma be a stripper. yaaaay. i hate capital letters. they can die.

And I just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed, and I take back all the things I said to you.

I'm so stupid...

10^6+10^6+10^6+10^6+10^6+10^6+10^6...

<3

I love all the dirty tricks and twisted games you play on me

Sooooo tired, work was long as. pretty fun as work goes though. lunch break was lovely, me and emma got ice cream and sat amongst the flowers on christs, blue forget-me-nots to the right and pink forget-me-nots to the right. tres pittoresque, non?

unfortunately, there was something not quite right about what should have been a sunny tranquil scene. a woman walked into our view and sat on a bench nearby, within earshot, and hopelessly asked the passers-by for change, most of whom didn't bat an eyelid. i almost cried. she was so thin, every vein in her arms was visible, her hair hanging limply against her sunken features. we sat for a while, but in the end it was too much to bear. i gave her all the small change i had, which was about 30 or 40p, some of it in coppers. i could smell her as i handed her the pitiful coins, but she seemed to be greatful. i hate being so well off yet still thinking i'm not, isn't it horrible?

and just a warning, i'm not in a good mood generally at the moment. be careful, i could get angry, who knows what i could do if the mood took me. stay on my good side.

:)

Feeling hot, hot, hot

today was a hot day. today was a good day.

i woke up, felt a little bit bad, but tried to stay positive. then me and jess went to town and sunbathed/revised, which was ever so loverly! she's such an awesome friend, I'm lucky to have her. she's one of only about four people that i feel i can tell everything to. much love for her for brightening up my day! and also for asking 'what's the sun?' instead of 'what's the time?', which was most amusing (had to be there).

an australasian/south african (terrible, but i can't really tell the difference) man sat next to us on a bench at one point. he wandered over and said 'excuse me girls, may i set down? my tourist's legs are killing me', we said yeah sure, i made a passing comment about the weather, then me and jess resumed our conversation. at the time it was fine, but when he left i just thought, ah crap. should have talked to him. we could have brightened up his day, given him some cambridge culture, but no, we were selfish and stayed in our own little bubble. i wish i thought of things more at the TIME rather than afterwards. i always do that.

I had to babysit my little brother today. at first, i suddenly got into one of my horrible depressive moods, and thought fuck it, i'm just gonna say he can watch tv and i'll do my own thing but then i had a sudden change of heart; the broodiness i've been getting lately, might as well put it to good use, eh? consequently, i did all the laundry and put it on the line, made him dinner (didn't bother making any for me), and talked to him until he went to bed, about things i thought i was completely uninterested in, but i actually really enjoyed it. made me feel pretty good about myself, and i also now am convinced that i would make a good mother. lol, bit of a quick assumption i know, but i know i can do it.

on the same subject of my crazy hormonal self, just watched 'embarassing bodies: kids'. firstly, they had a girl on with polycystic ovaries, who had to 'struggle to come to terms with a lifelong condition'. i feel your pain, honey. secondly, there was a little girl who had to have an operation, and her mum pissed me off so much, i just wanted to steal her away. she was the most adorable little thing, i literally cried at her on the operating table. lol at me, what a dork.

work tomorrow. feel too dead. death is a reason to not go to work, riiiight? gonna watch comedy and be happy now, ciao.

I don't want you to adore me, don't want you to ignore me when it pleases you

First thought for today, these drugs are gonna kill me slowly by messing with my hormones:
i feel angry/my uterus or ovaries or whatever the hell it is that hurts feels (and sounds, scarily enough) like it's falling apart yet i still haven't had a period in god knows how long/i want to start arguments with everyone/i keep almost hitting people when they touch me, even if they accidentally brush my arm, yet i want affection from random people/every time i see a small child i melt inside a little, i want one - maybe not the best idea right now..
ARGHHHH.

anyway. moving on! exams soon. not too worried, but i'm a little bit too relaxed about the things that matter atm.. things that don't matter at all, on the other hand, i'm going crazy about.

a good thing though, is that there is no more college, yay! no more dreary lessons and early starts for a month. I was told that i should be more happy. so... happy smiley kat time! hmm.. something good... i watched the doctor who from last saturday today. was really good, made me cry a bit, ha. although partially because i've gone all weird and broody and amy was pregnant and her husband died... and yeah, me being weird again!

lol.

i want to go away, to the beach maybe, for a couple of days soon. it would be so lovely to get away and just chillaxxxxx, i'm in need of some serious r&r. take me away from here, pretty please? i won't be a burden, promise. this is me, i'm sunshines and rainbows all the time ^^

lol.

i can dream.