Le futur.

Why hello there.

I've been thinking an awful lot lately, maybe too much, mostly about the future and what I'm actually going to do with my life.

So.. Now until the end of college. I try really hard. I work like a madwoman. I attain good grades. THIS BETTER HAPPEN. Hopefully at the same time, I gain a lovely boyfriend who will help me achieve this.

After college, my options are: gap year and work, art foundation course at CRC, or straight to uni. At the moment, I think the art foundation course seems the most appealing, but that's subject to change. However, since I'm liking that most at the moment, I shall go with that for my life plan.

So I do the course, earn cash along the way, pass and get into a good uni, have fun at uni, during my first year I'll be a bit off the rails, before settling down and living with the love of my life. Shh, it could happen. If not, with some good friends :)

After uni.. I get an awesome job that I love, maybe an illustrator. I live in a little studio apartment at first; it's tiny but I love it. I litter the walls and the shelves with posters and mementos that just scream ME. I go to Japan to teach English as a foreign language. I'm happy happy happy. I have a pet or two.. I maybe get a kitten or a lizard. Hey, I can get both. Although I'm not rich, so maybe a kitten will suffice. Or two kittens, don't want them to be lonely. Two kittens. A dog is too much work. I travel when I can, when I have enough money. I don't have anything expensive, but I don't need it. I get a big inheritance when my grandparents pass away, which I try to save, but end up splashing out (I think this is inevitable). I get married to someone equally as lame as me during my mid to late twenties, and we're so happy. I possibly have a baby.. I have names! How lame. If it's a girl: Alice, Freya or Lydiah, and if it's a boy, I think Alfie is cute. Yeah, it sounds like a dog name, but it's so adorable!

Anyway, I'm delving too deep into this. Basically, I'm growing up too fast and I'm scared. So I'm making plans to try and give myself some kind of direction. What I DO NOT WANT is:

• A 9-5 job which will make me want to kill myself in the end.
• To be alone
• To fail

So I'm hoping my life will turn out well. We'll see. Please bring me a good life, Lady Luck.

And oh.. FYI, yeah, I guess I do love you. Was there any point asking? How could I not?

Sincerely yours,

Kat

FML

Oh when you look at me like that my darling, what did you expect? I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck... Or I did last time I checked ~


I continue to be a failure of a human being. Failed psychology experiment, failed relationship, failed happiness.
Sigh.
Well. I'm not too unhappy. Just feeling like I've let a lot of people down, and I've tried so hard recently, or so I thought. Maybe I'm just not cut for sociability. I'm sorry. I really am.


~ I crumble completely when you cry.

Today is gonna be a bit of a ramble, folks… Enjoy!

So, I was watching a documentary today with my mum, called ‘How long is a piece of string?’ This guy, Alan someone, wanted to know how long his silly piece of string was, and he went to all these mathematicians and physicists, who spewed a load of spiel about atoms and infinity, and ultimately, did not answer his question. (This is going somewhere, promise.)

Basically, I started to feel really uncomfortable when confronted with the principles of ‘infinity’ and such. I don’t like knowing something can go on forever, why does it matter to me? I’m just a little finite being, and frankly, I don’t care about things that are too tiny or massive for me to see. I felt the same way a few weeks ago, watching a documentary on black holes, which is the opposite end of the scale. A piece of string, stars, a cat (I’ll get onto that in a bit), these are just words we create to name things. Nothing really matters apart from the tangible things around me.

Maybe I’m broken? Humans are meant to have this unquenchable thirst for knowledge, which is why we have mathematicians and physicists and other poncy gits (okay, I know they aren’t all poncy gits, but I’m just drawing on BBC documentaries here) to find out ‘the secrets of the universe’. Thing is, I don’t have that need to know everything. It actually scares me; once I start to think about things that are beyond anything I can perceive, I literally panic. I get this anxious feeling that spreads through me and tightens up my stomach muscles, like I’m getting ready to attack a predator. Weird, no?

There was this theory on that string program today: Schrodinger’s cat. A photon may or may not hit a receiver. If it does hit it, a drop of poison will be added to the cat’s milk, and the cat will die. If it doesn’t, nothing will happen and the cat will live. However, photons are not fixed, and are in multiple places at the same time. Consequently, the poison will both be added to the milk, and not be added to the milk, as the photon is recorded on the receiver and also elsewhere and not recorded, which means the cat is both alive and dead. One word for you there: ARGGHHHH!

Stupid bloody paradoxes, they continue to perplex me. If a tree falls in the woods with no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound? Well, it creates vibrations in the air, which a human would perceive as a sound, but if there’s no one there to hear it, is it still a sound? I say yes, as it’s still effectively the same phenomenon. My mother says no, as a sound is merely a perception of some measly vibrations in the ear. Please excuse me while I shoot myself.

See, I don’t really care about this philosophical bullshit, but once I start thinking about it, I get so sucked in and so anxious that, if I thought about it enough, I think I may go crazy and kill myself. So now you know slightly more about what goes on in my head. Maybe I think like a totally normal person, maybe I’m a tad psychotic. But who knows. :]

Kat. <3

The novelty still hasn't worn off!

Eee second post! Decided that the font on the last one was annoyingly small, so it's a bit larger this time. Kinder to your eyes :)

So.. I thought I would dive in and discuss some issues that I have been thinking about these past couple of days. Firstly, my new colour obsessions. Recently, I've found myself really drawn to purple and electric blue. It's SO odd.. I used to actually say I didn't like purple. And blue? Well, never appealed much either. However, I have now decided I love them both dearly. Right now, my nails are electric blue, and I bought a jumper the same shade today. I also bought a purple corset and top, all for under £20! Good old exploitative Primark. So yes, if you want to please me, you know the colours to somehow use.. Oh oh, this thing has HTML! I can show you..

I LUFF PURPLE

I LUFF BLUE

Special.

Well, now you probably know that I like to talk about really stupid uninteresting stuff. Yaaaay. It's Halloween the day after tomorrow, that gives me one day to get my damn costume together. So far, it consists of: a purple corset, a frilly black skirt, cat ears, suspenders and stockings. What am I going as, I hear you ask. Well, I cannot answer that, because I don't know, but by the looks of it, it's going to be a slut. My mother suggested I go as a prostitute. Thanks, Mum.

Well, I can think of nothing else particularly interesting that I desperately wish to share with you, so I think I'll leave it there for today.

Peace and luff. <3

OH EM GEE WALL VIRGINITY :3

Well, howdy y'all!

I've been meaning to make a blog for quite a while now, and have finally got round to it. I know what you're thinking, at last the public can see into Kat's head, what a marvellous day this is for all!

Chyeah right.

I dun care if you wanna read it, I'm gonna post it anyways. See, I have these weird thought chains all the time, and ALWAYS think, ooh I wish I could write this somewhere where people could see it, I kinda like that notion. Alors, voila! My blog. My wonderful brand spanking new spiffeh shineh blog. I luff blog. :)

So here I shall end this fabulous first entry, to the future and many more blog entries to come!

Peace and luff,
Kat. <3