I have no hooooooooome.
So I'm living at Rachel's for a couple of days! The plan is to watch Doctor Who and... other stuff we planned and I can't remember. But should be cool beans. And I get to see Ralphy today SHOCK HORROR. I hate him not being allowed out blehh.
I just bought an £85 pair of DMs from some random dodgy online shoeshop. THEY BETTER FIT. I tried them on in Schuh yesterday but in a smaller size, and they were kinda tight, so hopefully these will fit. Yay yay!
Need to get some proper sleep at some point. Half 12 last night, 4am the night before.. god knows the night before that. Lol.
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
Thursday, 1 April 2010
I've got to breathe, you can't take that from me.
I feel like everything good has been taken away today. Someone's come and sapped out all the happiness, and left me feeling a bit empty. I want a cigarette, but it's raining and if I smoke out of my window my mum will smell it with her super powered sense of smell.
Gah.
I need a hug. But also feel really misanthropic.
People that currently infuriate me: Stupid people, arrogant people, over friendly people, people who ask too many questions, patronising people, people who won't shut up, people who talk out of their arses, liars... Okay I've realised this will be a VERY long list, so I'mma stop. But you get the picture. As Slipknot so aptly put it, right now I wholeheartedly agree that people = shit.
Oh, and I want a wardrobe. Like, REALLY want a wardrobe.
Gah.
I need a hug. But also feel really misanthropic.
People that currently infuriate me: Stupid people, arrogant people, over friendly people, people who ask too many questions, patronising people, people who won't shut up, people who talk out of their arses, liars... Okay I've realised this will be a VERY long list, so I'mma stop. But you get the picture. As Slipknot so aptly put it, right now I wholeheartedly agree that people = shit.
Oh, and I want a wardrobe. Like, REALLY want a wardrobe.
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
A list
Things I want but have absolutely no need for:
- A suit of armour
- A giraffe
- An aviary of pretty birds
- A large collection of Japanese tableware
- Every CLAMP manga/anime
- A tank (Sheeiiilaaaa!)
- A servant/slave
The list goes on. I've been spending way too much money. Now have a new iPod nano and the new Pokemon game. My life rocks.
Friday, 26 March 2010
Life.
Well.
I am now seventeen years old.
I went to the dentist today and I have a chipped tooth and need a filling.
I now have a boyfriend named George Ralph. We call him Ralphy. He's really quite lovely.
I want to make something beautiful, but I can't.
I feel angry. But also quite happy. Tinged with sadness.
I may have an ovarian cist.
College is going to drive me to insanity.
It's been a while since I last wrote here. Not that anyone reads this anyway, but I forgot how nice it is to vent at computer screen. Even the tap tap of my fingers seems quite therapeutic. So. Right now I feel so erratic that I could just die. I'm happy sad angry hyper tired manic FUCKED UP. I had a blood test and they said I have odd hormone levels. At least I have something to blame.
I always have odd little thoughts that I think I'll post here, and forget them almost instantly. I'll try remember next time.
Here's one little insight into my mind. My clock necklace. I wanted one for years, and finally have one, which pleases me. A little chain to wear round my neck, I always know the time and it's Alice-esque. I wanted a silver one, but gold was all I could get. And I didn't pay for it, I got Laura to take it for me. I'm becoming quite thrifty these days. It's not really very good I suppose, I have £700 in the bank, but I like the buzz.
Anyway. Mum's bitching at me. Bye.
I am now seventeen years old.
I went to the dentist today and I have a chipped tooth and need a filling.
I now have a boyfriend named George Ralph. We call him Ralphy. He's really quite lovely.
I want to make something beautiful, but I can't.
I feel angry. But also quite happy. Tinged with sadness.
I may have an ovarian cist.
College is going to drive me to insanity.
It's been a while since I last wrote here. Not that anyone reads this anyway, but I forgot how nice it is to vent at computer screen. Even the tap tap of my fingers seems quite therapeutic. So. Right now I feel so erratic that I could just die. I'm happy sad angry hyper tired manic FUCKED UP. I had a blood test and they said I have odd hormone levels. At least I have something to blame.
I always have odd little thoughts that I think I'll post here, and forget them almost instantly. I'll try remember next time.
Here's one little insight into my mind. My clock necklace. I wanted one for years, and finally have one, which pleases me. A little chain to wear round my neck, I always know the time and it's Alice-esque. I wanted a silver one, but gold was all I could get. And I didn't pay for it, I got Laura to take it for me. I'm becoming quite thrifty these days. It's not really very good I suppose, I have £700 in the bank, but I like the buzz.
Anyway. Mum's bitching at me. Bye.
Friday, 8 January 2010
Le futur.
Why hello there.
I've been thinking an awful lot lately, maybe too much, mostly about the future and what I'm actually going to do with my life.
So.. Now until the end of college. I try really hard. I work like a madwoman. I attain good grades. THIS BETTER HAPPEN. Hopefully at the same time, I gain a lovely boyfriend who will help me achieve this.
After college, my options are: gap year and work, art foundation course at CRC, or straight to uni. At the moment, I think the art foundation course seems the most appealing, but that's subject to change. However, since I'm liking that most at the moment, I shall go with that for my life plan.
So I do the course, earn cash along the way, pass and get into a good uni, have fun at uni, during my first year I'll be a bit off the rails, before settling down and living with the love of my life. Shh, it could happen. If not, with some good friends :)
After uni.. I get an awesome job that I love, maybe an illustrator. I live in a little studio apartment at first; it's tiny but I love it. I litter the walls and the shelves with posters and mementos that just scream ME. I go to Japan to teach English as a foreign language. I'm happy happy happy. I have a pet or two.. I maybe get a kitten or a lizard. Hey, I can get both. Although I'm not rich, so maybe a kitten will suffice. Or two kittens, don't want them to be lonely. Two kittens. A dog is too much work. I travel when I can, when I have enough money. I don't have anything expensive, but I don't need it. I get a big inheritance when my grandparents pass away, which I try to save, but end up splashing out (I think this is inevitable). I get married to someone equally as lame as me during my mid to late twenties, and we're so happy. I possibly have a baby.. I have names! How lame. If it's a girl: Alice, Freya or Lydiah, and if it's a boy, I think Alfie is cute. Yeah, it sounds like a dog name, but it's so adorable!
Anyway, I'm delving too deep into this. Basically, I'm growing up too fast and I'm scared. So I'm making plans to try and give myself some kind of direction. What I DO NOT WANT is:
I've been thinking an awful lot lately, maybe too much, mostly about the future and what I'm actually going to do with my life.
So.. Now until the end of college. I try really hard. I work like a madwoman. I attain good grades. THIS BETTER HAPPEN. Hopefully at the same time, I gain a lovely boyfriend who will help me achieve this.
After college, my options are: gap year and work, art foundation course at CRC, or straight to uni. At the moment, I think the art foundation course seems the most appealing, but that's subject to change. However, since I'm liking that most at the moment, I shall go with that for my life plan.
So I do the course, earn cash along the way, pass and get into a good uni, have fun at uni, during my first year I'll be a bit off the rails, before settling down and living with the love of my life. Shh, it could happen. If not, with some good friends :)
After uni.. I get an awesome job that I love, maybe an illustrator. I live in a little studio apartment at first; it's tiny but I love it. I litter the walls and the shelves with posters and mementos that just scream ME. I go to Japan to teach English as a foreign language. I'm happy happy happy. I have a pet or two.. I maybe get a kitten or a lizard. Hey, I can get both. Although I'm not rich, so maybe a kitten will suffice. Or two kittens, don't want them to be lonely. Two kittens. A dog is too much work. I travel when I can, when I have enough money. I don't have anything expensive, but I don't need it. I get a big inheritance when my grandparents pass away, which I try to save, but end up splashing out (I think this is inevitable). I get married to someone equally as lame as me during my mid to late twenties, and we're so happy. I possibly have a baby.. I have names! How lame. If it's a girl: Alice, Freya or Lydiah, and if it's a boy, I think Alfie is cute. Yeah, it sounds like a dog name, but it's so adorable!
Anyway, I'm delving too deep into this. Basically, I'm growing up too fast and I'm scared. So I'm making plans to try and give myself some kind of direction. What I DO NOT WANT is:
- A 9-5 job which will make me want to kill myself in the end.
- To be alone
- To fail
So I'm hoping my life will turn out well. We'll see. Please bring me a good life, Lady Luck.
And oh.. FYI, yeah, I guess I do love you. Was there any point asking? How could I not?
Sincerely yours,
Kat
Thursday, 26 November 2009
FML
Oh when you look at me like that my darling, what did you expect? I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck... Or I did last time I checked ~
I continue to be a failure of a human being. Failed psychology experiment, failed relationship, failed happiness.
Sigh.
Well. I'm not too unhappy. Just feeling like I've let a lot of people down, and I've tried so hard recently, or so I thought. Maybe I'm just not cut for sociability. I'm sorry. I really am.
~ I crumble completely when you cry.
I continue to be a failure of a human being. Failed psychology experiment, failed relationship, failed happiness.
Sigh.
Well. I'm not too unhappy. Just feeling like I've let a lot of people down, and I've tried so hard recently, or so I thought. Maybe I'm just not cut for sociability. I'm sorry. I really am.
~ I crumble completely when you cry.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Today is gonna be a bit of a ramble, folks… Enjoy!
So, I was watching a documentary today with my mum, called ‘How long is a piece of string?’ This guy, Alan someone, wanted to know how long his silly piece of string was, and he went to all these mathematicians and physicists, who spewed a load of spiel about atoms and infinity, and ultimately, did not answer his question. (This is going somewhere, promise.)
Basically, I started to feel really uncomfortable when confronted with the principles of ‘infinity’ and such. I don’t like knowing something can go on forever, why does it matter to me? I’m just a little finite being, and frankly, I don’t care about things that are too tiny or massive for me to see. I felt the same way a few weeks ago, watching a documentary on black holes, which is the opposite end of the scale. A piece of string, stars, a cat (I’ll get onto that in a bit), these are just words we create to name things. Nothing really matters apart from the tangible things around me.
Maybe I’m broken? Humans are meant to have this unquenchable thirst for knowledge, which is why we have mathematicians and physicists and other poncy gits (okay, I know they aren’t all poncy gits, but I’m just drawing on BBC documentaries here) to find out ‘the secrets of the universe’. Thing is, I don’t have that need to know everything. It actually scares me; once I start to think about things that are beyond anything I can perceive, I literally panic. I get this anxious feeling that spreads through me and tightens up my stomach muscles, like I’m getting ready to attack a predator. Weird, no?
There was this theory on that string program today: Schrodinger’s cat. A photon may or may not hit a receiver. If it does hit it, a drop of poison will be added to the cat’s milk, and the cat will die. If it doesn’t, nothing will happen and the cat will live. However, photons are not fixed, and are in multiple places at the same time. Consequently, the poison will both be added to the milk, and not be added to the milk, as the photon is recorded on the receiver and also elsewhere and not recorded, which means the cat is both alive and dead. One word for you there: ARGGHHHH!
Stupid bloody paradoxes, they continue to perplex me. If a tree falls in the woods with no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound? Well, it creates vibrations in the air, which a human would perceive as a sound, but if there’s no one there to hear it, is it still a sound? I say yes, as it’s still effectively the same phenomenon. My mother says no, as a sound is merely a perception of some measly vibrations in the ear. Please excuse me while I shoot myself.
See, I don’t really care about this philosophical bullshit, but once I start thinking about it, I get so sucked in and so anxious that, if I thought about it enough, I think I may go crazy and kill myself. So now you know slightly more about what goes on in my head. Maybe I think like a totally normal person, maybe I’m a tad psychotic. But who knows. :]
Kat. <3
So, I was watching a documentary today with my mum, called ‘How long is a piece of string?’ This guy, Alan someone, wanted to know how long his silly piece of string was, and he went to all these mathematicians and physicists, who spewed a load of spiel about atoms and infinity, and ultimately, did not answer his question. (This is going somewhere, promise.)
Basically, I started to feel really uncomfortable when confronted with the principles of ‘infinity’ and such. I don’t like knowing something can go on forever, why does it matter to me? I’m just a little finite being, and frankly, I don’t care about things that are too tiny or massive for me to see. I felt the same way a few weeks ago, watching a documentary on black holes, which is the opposite end of the scale. A piece of string, stars, a cat (I’ll get onto that in a bit), these are just words we create to name things. Nothing really matters apart from the tangible things around me.
Maybe I’m broken? Humans are meant to have this unquenchable thirst for knowledge, which is why we have mathematicians and physicists and other poncy gits (okay, I know they aren’t all poncy gits, but I’m just drawing on BBC documentaries here) to find out ‘the secrets of the universe’. Thing is, I don’t have that need to know everything. It actually scares me; once I start to think about things that are beyond anything I can perceive, I literally panic. I get this anxious feeling that spreads through me and tightens up my stomach muscles, like I’m getting ready to attack a predator. Weird, no?
There was this theory on that string program today: Schrodinger’s cat. A photon may or may not hit a receiver. If it does hit it, a drop of poison will be added to the cat’s milk, and the cat will die. If it doesn’t, nothing will happen and the cat will live. However, photons are not fixed, and are in multiple places at the same time. Consequently, the poison will both be added to the milk, and not be added to the milk, as the photon is recorded on the receiver and also elsewhere and not recorded, which means the cat is both alive and dead. One word for you there: ARGGHHHH!
Stupid bloody paradoxes, they continue to perplex me. If a tree falls in the woods with no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound? Well, it creates vibrations in the air, which a human would perceive as a sound, but if there’s no one there to hear it, is it still a sound? I say yes, as it’s still effectively the same phenomenon. My mother says no, as a sound is merely a perception of some measly vibrations in the ear. Please excuse me while I shoot myself.
See, I don’t really care about this philosophical bullshit, but once I start thinking about it, I get so sucked in and so anxious that, if I thought about it enough, I think I may go crazy and kill myself. So now you know slightly more about what goes on in my head. Maybe I think like a totally normal person, maybe I’m a tad psychotic. But who knows. :]
Kat. <3
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